Thursday, June 05, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #10: My Life Changed

Thirteen Things about My Life Changed

Over the past year or so, I've been making changes so that my life "on the outside" looks more like what I feel like on the inside. I had an awakening, through a series of events, that made me realize just how much of my life so far had been a compromise.

What I mean by that, I think, is that I had given up my own ideas about how I wanted my life to play out in order to remain "safe" in some way. I had given up freedom of choice in order to be saved from my least favorite uncertainties.

I wrestled with this idea for a long time...still am if you want to know the be sure that I wasn't just being ungrateful or some weird version of spoiled. And really, there probably is a touch of both in the mix and that's why I can't be sure. But what I do know now, without a doubt, is that too much of my life has been a giant wimp-out in the face of challenges, commitments, and chance.

It's one thing to choose safety and security and to derive great comfort from those states of being, and another entirely to be angry all the time because "this isn't at all what I had in mind."

Wait! Don't run away! The list is positive. I promise. I'm just having one of "those" days, and I need to get to where I take action...the next step...and forsake the wallowing guilt trip. I think making myself write out this list will do the trick.

Ok, so here's a quick list of small steps of action I have taken to move towards what I DID have in mind for my life. =)

  1. I have changed my eating habits. I am now a near vegetarian and high raw foodist. (I have a post called "Have a Chat with Your Fat" coming up soooooon!)

  2. I have installed energy efficient lightbulbs in my home. I don't know that I can tell the difference yet, and now that the air conditioners run all day and all night, it won't matter a WHOLE lot, but it feels good to know they are there.

  3. I switched to an eco-friendly electric company. This was one of the first big steps, and it feels great knowing that "my" energy comes from wind power alone.

  4. I switched my kitchen and bathroom cleaners. This one is tough. I'm still trying to get the knack of it, and I still need to find something that scrubs the hard water deposits (but they were always a problem anyway). Laundry detergent and bath soap are next.

  5. I started taking dance lessons. Yes, I am amazed at myself! I have been dancing twice a week for a YEAR people!!! Here's one commitment I have no problem keeping!

  6. I have started exercising more regularly. Got a gym membership after I took that weight training/fitness class and I really enjoy going. Now that school is out for the kiddos and I am teaching, it's more difficult to get there, but I still have TurboJam for when I get stuck on this side of town and it's on the to-do list for tomorrow.

  7. I lost weight. This is a byproduct of #1 and #6, but it's also a state of mind that I have chosen to commit to. I've really been working through my "food issues" (i.e. addiction). I watched to see what my triggers are. I noticed how I felt when I ate. I also went so far as to have "a chat with my fat," which I'm looking forward to detailing in a post in the near future.

  8. I took more responsibility for myself. Ok, this was so HUGE! I mentioned this before, but it's soooooo goooooood! Here's my new mantra when I start feeling sorry for myself: "Failure is an opportunity. If you blame someone else, there is no end to the blame. Therefore the Master fulfills her own obligations and corrects her own mistake. She does what she needs to do and demands nothing of others."

  9. I got off my husband's back. Mostly. And using the mantra. I had to finally look myself in the eye and say, "YOU are the only person who is responsible for your happiness." It's that whole, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" idea (thanks Eleanor Roosevelt!). Plus, it's not his responsibility to make me happy. It's mine. Mine, mine, mine!! All. Mine......Muahhahhahhahaaaaaa!

  10. I forgave my mother. Ok Ladies, you know who you are. How many of us drag that trunk of junk from our childhoods around with us for years and years and years? And even the stuff from after childhood that resembles the stuff from childhood! Taking responsibility for yourself has a magic side effect: you let OTHER people take responsibility for THEMSELVES too! Poof! Amazing.

  11. I started expressing how I really feel. Yep. Lumps and all. No more trying to nicey-nicey, smiley-smiley, it's ok, don't worry about it, no problem, your wish is my command for me. It's the difference between being my own person and being a doormat for others. What a breath of fresh air it has been to just. say. NO!

  12. I am gathering information. I've been following up on anything that interests me. Organic farms in Oregon? Check. Raw food chef training schools? Check. I name it, I'm looking it up. And soon that will include hands-on investigation. I want a new adventure once my chicks are out of the nest, and I have lots of exploring to do in the meantime.

  13. I am writing more. This cute little meme has gotten me thinking all the time: "Ooh, I could talk about 13 of this or 13 of that!" And it's gotten me into the blogosphere more often and I've made a few friends so far and hope to make more. God Bless the Internet!

So that's my happy list of changes. And I bet there's more, but those were the ones that came up today. I'm sure I'll have a new list before too long. There's always room for change, after all.

How about you? Been changing lately, have you? Way to go!

Muah! =)

© Nicole J. Williams, 2008, all rights reserved.

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Camellia said...

Great changes. I'm looking at that emotional eating myself and not having a relationship with food is strange, but very freeing. Maybe I will take on the computer thing next. And the mother thing? Forgiving my mother for being young and doing things the only way she knew how, and sending her love? Wonderful. You go, Nicole.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you have my respect. This is a great list. What an accomplishment. :)

And I'll agree with camellia on everything she said.

Kara said...

These are all great POSITIVE changes. Good job! :)

Carolyn Howard-Johnson said...

I loved the little outtakes! And it's such an inspiration. Mmmm. Guess I'd better try to straighten mine.